We Won’t – Jaymes Young ft Phoebe Ryan

I did the most typical cliche post break up thing last night & watched eat pray love.  But it helped because I went to bed feeling more accepting of this situation.

“You have to experience total destruction in order for transformation to take root”

I looked up yoga classes, something I was always too lazy to really invest myself in, to focus on finding something to fill all this new found time and begin to heal myself. I fell asleep to a meditation podcast focused on healing your heart. I was still sad going to sleep knowing you couldn’t be with me but I was, all things considered, ok.

But it was also the first night I didn’t fall asleep drunk or on xanax. So instead of waking up x hours later well rested but still sad, I woke up at least five times in a cold sweat completely panicked with the sobering realization that you aren’t with me. I would restart the podcast and cry myself to sleep.

I realized how bad it hurts that I gave you my entire heart and you’re forcing me to take it back.  But I cant. I can’t take back every ounce of love I poured into you because it’s different now. You’re so entwined with it  and now it’s fractured.

I can’t put that back inside myself and re-accept the love I gave you in order to live with remnants of you and our life that you don’t want anymore.

I have to start from scratch and create new love within myself but feeling so empty in between now and then is terrifying.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s